Retired Husband (Humor) WalMart is Involved.

It's been a REALLY crappy week so far and this made me laugh. If you are also having one of those weeks, this completely un-inspirational joke might make you smile. I actually think my Grand Father did a couple of these things.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local Wal-Mart. 

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time; and costing the company money. P.S. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. October 26. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? And last, but not least:

16. October 31: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.

Please refrain from EVER bringin your husband to THIS WalMart again!

Sincerly,

WALMART

Email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Latest Content

  • Fecal Bacteria Found In Drinks Sold By Major Fast Food Restaurants Like McDonald's
    Written by
    Fecal Bacteria Found In Drinks Sold By Major Fast Food Restaurants Like McDonald's Welp, there goes the "yes" when I am asked if…
  • Capture amazing fireworks shots with your iPhone (and Android)
    Written by
    Capture amazing fireworks shots with your iPhone (and Android) So tonight is the night we here in the U.S.…
    Read more...
  • Work From Home In 2017: The Top 100 Companies Offering Remote Jobs
    Written by
    Work From Home In 2017: The Top 100 Companies Offering Remote Jobs I work from home, the can, the bedroom, the front-yard,…
    Read more...
  • Microsoft delays its Windows 10 Timeline feature
    Written by
    Microsoft delays its Windows 10 Timeline feature When you have a piece of code in front of…
    Read more...
  • Refurbished: Microsoft Xbox One S 1TB Console - Madden NFL 17 Bundle - 182.00 (WSL)
    Written by
    Holy cow! 182.00 for the latest and greatest! Damn... if…
    Read more...

Visit the Digitalsmind Video YouTube Page!

Did you know we have a video page on YouTube? 

Well... WE DO! 

Check us out! 

- Our Video page.